October 16th, 2014
My lovely
4 year old boy Edison wakes up on cue every morning at 6:30 a.m. No matter the
day he is up when dad is up getting ready to head to work. Where am I? I am
still trying to keep asleep pretending that I didn’t hear him come in as dad is
at the sink shaving. It isn’t that I don’t love seeing him wake up but that I
thoroughly enjoy my sleep and at that hour of the morning, I am not ready to
wake up, especially when I know I still have about 30 minutes left of sleep. As
dad gets ready to leave he kisses Edison on the head, gives me a kiss good bye
and walks down stairs. Wait for it….. “BYE DADDY I LOVE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY AT
YOUR WORK……DADDY?! BYE DADDY!” My moment of quiet quickly comes to an end.
Whelp I am up. I roll over hoping to try and get a little bit of rest in before
my alarms go off. Peaking at the clock, I have 15 minutes left before I really
have to be up and out of bed. Edison comes over looks at me at eye level and
says in his whisper voice as if I am sleeping, “momma…….momma….can I watch T.V.?
Momma can I watch T.V.??” I reply no because he got to watch
T.V. yesterday morning and I wanted him to go play instead of becoming a zombie
in front of the talking box in our room. He begins to whine, “BUT MOM I WANT TO
WATCH T.V. PPPLLLEEEEAAASSSEEEE?????!?!?!” Realizing that his rant wouldn’t
work on me this morning he leaves it alone and goes into the other room to play
with his toys.
When I do
finally get up, I realize that we need to get moving or I will miss my bus to
school. I go tell Edison he needs to put his toys up and get dressed so we can
get moving. He tells me, “I’m playing right now mom I cant.” I tell him that if
he doesn’t finish up he will be in trouble.
Every
morning is like this. I have to wake up enough to realize that this isn’t an
annoyance but a blessing. I can remember when he was small and I would go into
his room and check on him 2 or 3 times a night just to make sure he is
breathing. It was a real fear that he could stop breathing in his sleep and I
wouldn’t have him anymore to wake me up and see his smiling face. When I find
myself becoming irritated that I have to get up and change his pull-up at 3 in
the morning I remind myself that this is a blessing. It isn’t easy all the time
and I often catch myself realizing that I overreacted and I should have stepped
back and breathed and took a different route to how I handled the situation at
hand but as I continue to stop and breathe and reevaluate I find it a little
more easier each time. I have to remind myself that I am a first time mom, this
is a learning experience for myself, Edison, and Conrad. It is truly and
adventure and one I am so blessed to be on.
October 23rd , 2014
My little man has a way of opening my eyes and enjoying the little
things in life. I find it ironic how I have to remind myself to stop and smell
the roses when in his frame of mind he cannot see anything else more important
than stopping and smelling every rose! When did we lose our sense of innocence?
He will say the most random and thoughtful things that can turn anyone’s day
around. I have been pretty overwhelmed and tired lately and it was only
recently that I have received the greatest opportunity to stop working and
focus on school and be a partial stay at home mom. Since I transferred to Metro
State in Denver life for me has been kind of hectic. It has been 2 weeks now
and I LOVE my time at home with my little man and my wonderful husband. But
before this opportunity arose, there was one week when I was just completely
fried and not feeling up to doing anything. I almost considered staying in bed
all day and not going anywhere, but being a mom and knowing that it was only a
fantasy not going to come true I had to get up and get ready for work and get
Edison to Mema Kathy’s house. So I did the bare minimum and got up, brushed my
hair and teeth, pulled my hair back into a pony tail, put deodorant on and got
dressed. Edison then walked in a short time later and hugs me, looks up at me
smiling and says, “Momma, you smell beautiful. You look beautiful too!” Talk
about an instantaneous mood changer J
It is the little things that he says and does that can really snap
me back to reality. This morning I asked him to get ready for school so as I
followed him into his room he instead goes straight to his radio and says, “I
want to listen to my Spanish.” I got a little frazzled because I knew we didn’t
have time to mess around and before I could start scolding him I caught an ear
full of this man speaking Spanish in such a speed I wondered how on earth
anyone could understand him. I smiled and turned off the radio replying we
needed to get ready for school and as he sat down to get his clothes on Edison
starts mimicking the man on the radio, “ olla, adios, amigo, gracias” in words
that he has heard from others who speak Spanish. I would love to be able to scope
into a little being’s mind and see just what they hear, feel, think and process
because he truly amazes me and always snaps me back into the reality of things,
enjoy the little things! Smile, laugh, take your time, be patient. Don’t take
any moment for granted and remember that no matter what, the here and now
matter most.
It is a battle to keep myself from snapping because most times I don’t
even realize I am about to and it’s a battle of the mind saying, “Really Leigh
Ann, reacting that way was SO unnecessary.” But when those things do happen I make
sure to own up to my mistake and apologize. See that is where I believe most
adults go wrong. We are afraid to admit our wrong and forget to realize how
powerful an apology can be. Kids are such a great remodel for how innocent a
human being can be and we need to revisit the innocent side of our
personalities we left behind so long ago. I have to remind myself day by day
and realize that I am not perfect but I am striving to be better. That is all
that matters.
