October 16th and 23rd

October 16^th, 2014

My lovely 4 year old boy Edison wakes up on cue every morning at 6:30 a.m. No matter the day he is up when dad is up getting ready to head to work. Where am I? I am still trying to keep asleep pretending that I didn’t hear him come in as dad is at the sink shaving. It isn’t that I don’t love seeing him wake up but that I thoroughly enjoy my sleep and at that hour of the morning, I am not ready to wake up, especially when I know I still have about 30 minutes left of sleep. As dad gets ready to leave he kisses Edison on the head, gives me a kiss good bye and walks down stairs. Wait for it….. “BYE DADDY I LOVE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY AT YOUR WORK……DADDY?! BYE DADDY!” My moment of quiet quickly comes to an end. Whelp I am up. I roll over hoping to try and get a little bit of rest in before my alarms go off. Peaking at the clock, I have 15 minutes left before I really have to be up and out of bed. Edison comes over looks at me at eye level and says in his whisper voice as if I am sleeping, “momma…….momma….can I watch T.V.? Momma can I watch T.V.??” I reply no because he got to watch T.V. yesterday morning and I wanted him to go play instead of becoming a zombie in front of the talking box in our room. He begins to whine, “BUT MOM I WANT TO WATCH T.V. PPPLLLEEEEAAASSSEEEE?????!?!?!” Realizing that his rant wouldn’t work on me this morning he leaves it alone and goes into the other room to play with his toys.

When I do finally get up, I realize that we need to get moving or I will miss my bus to school. I go tell Edison he needs to put his toys up and get dressed so we can get moving. He tells me, “I’m playing right now mom I cant.” I tell him that if he doesn’t finish up he will be in trouble.

Every morning is like this. I have to wake up enough to realize that this isn’t an annoyance but a blessing. I can remember when he was small and I would go into his room and check on him 2 or 3 times a night just to make sure he is breathing. It was a real fear that he could stop breathing in his sleep and I wouldn’t have him anymore to wake me up and see his smiling face. When I find myself becoming irritated that I have to get up and change his pull-up at 3 in the morning I remind myself that this is a blessing. It isn’t easy all the time and I often catch myself realizing that I overreacted and I should have stepped back and breathed and took a different route to how I handled the situation at hand but as I continue to stop and breathe and reevaluate I find it a little more easier each time. I have to remind myself that I am a first time mom, this is a learning experience for myself, Edison, and Conrad. It is truly and adventure and one I am so blessed to be on.

October 23^rd , 2014

My little man has a way of opening my eyes and enjoying the little things in life. I find it ironic how I have to remind myself to stop and smell the roses when in his frame of mind he cannot see anything else more important than stopping and smelling every rose! When did we lose our sense of innocence? He will say the most random and thoughtful things that can turn anyone’s day around. I have been pretty overwhelmed and tired lately and it was only recently that I have received the greatest opportunity to stop working and focus on school and be a partial stay at home mom. Since I transferred to Metro State in Denver life for me has been kind of hectic. It has been 2 weeks now and I LOVE my time at home with my little man and my wonderful husband. But before this opportunity arose, there was one week when I was just completely fried and not feeling up to doing anything. I almost considered staying in bed all day and not going anywhere, but being a mom and knowing that it was only a fantasy not going to come true I had to get up and get ready for work and get Edison to Mema Kathy’s house. So I did the bare minimum and got up, brushed my hair and teeth, pulled my hair back into a pony tail, put deodorant on and got dressed. Edison then walked in a short time later and hugs me, looks up at me smiling and says, “Momma, you smell beautiful. You look beautiful too!” Talk about an instantaneous mood changer J

It is the little things that he says and does that can really snap me back to reality. This morning I asked him to get ready for school so as I followed him into his room he instead goes straight to his radio and says, “I want to listen to my Spanish.” I got a little frazzled because I knew we didn’t have time to mess around and before I could start scolding him I caught an ear full of this man speaking Spanish in such a speed I wondered how on earth anyone could understand him. I smiled and turned off the radio replying we needed to get ready for school and as he sat down to get his clothes on Edison starts mimicking the man on the radio, “ olla, adios, amigo, gracias” in words that he has heard from others who speak Spanish. I would love to be able to scope into a little being’s mind and see just what they hear, feel, think and process because he truly amazes me and always snaps me back into the reality of things, enjoy the little things! Smile, laugh, take your time, be patient. Don’t take any moment for granted and remember that no matter what, the here and now matter most.

It is a battle to keep myself from snapping because most times I don’t even realize I am about to and it’s a battle of the mind saying, “Really Leigh Ann, reacting that way was SO unnecessary.” But when those things do happen I make sure to own up to my mistake and apologize. See that is where I believe most adults go wrong. We are afraid to admit our wrong and forget to realize how powerful an apology can be. Kids are such a great remodel for how innocent a human being can be and we need to revisit the innocent side of our personalities we left behind so long ago. I have to remind myself day by day and realize that I am not perfect but I am striving to be better. That is all that matters.